Accents Abound (Part I)

A little over a month ago I was involved in a collision. I had a feeling this would happen to me, and as I have been in far too many auto accidents during my lifetime, I had already questioned my lady on protocol. The problem with her response was its ambiguous nature.

Here is a little rundown of how most Aussies respond when you broach them for information.

“Hey babes, if I were to get into a car wreck what do you do here?”

Giving me the look that calls me a complete moron without a word uttered she says, “You exchange information.”

“Yeah, I assume that, but what do your insurance verification cards looks like, and where is yours kept?”

“No, you just exchange your personal details.”

“God damn it, I know this. Look, let’s start over, and pretend that you and I were just in a car accident - what happens next?”

“Well, okay, so who did we hit?”

By now the frustration level is high, because she has no idea what I am talking about and I am trying to explain it in simple parlance. Now I am at the part of the conversation where my voice elicits exasperation, and consternation, as well as a little ‘taking the piss’ for flavour.

“You were in your car, and I was in my car, and we smacked into each other -thereby causing a bit of damage to our vehicles. What would happen next?”

“Well, if it was just me and you hitting each other we wouldn’t have to exchange information because I already know your details. We would just have to call the insurance and sort it.”

“No, no, no! Pretend we don’t know each other. What would happen then?”

“Honey, you’re being silly of course we know each other!”

If looks could kill, I swear she would have been dead on the spot, “Can we start over, here?”

“Yes, but I have no idea what you are wanting.”

“I know you don’t. I think some of the daft leaked out onto my shirt.”

Apparently, this last bit offended her, and this conversation was finished.

After waiting the allotted period of time that a man can reckon will let him keep his head (kind of hard to have a conversation without one, don’t ya think?) - During this discourse, I started to ask my question with explicit attention to detail, “Babes, you remember the talk we were having earlier?”

She raises an eyebrow giving me the go ahead to proceed, but ready to sling back any mud that I might put into her yard, “Yes, the one about the accident?”

“Yeah, well, let’s try that again. Let’s pretend you were in a car wreck with another person. Someone you didn’t know, and for the sake of argument, they hit you - causing your car to be damaged. What happens next?”

“Well we would exchange information.”

“And, what happens after you exchange personal information?”

“I go home, and call my insurance company.”

“That’s it? You’re telling me that someone bangs your car, and all you do is to write down the information off their driver’s licence, and then you go your separate ways? What about calling the cops, and getting a report?”

“No, you don’t need to contact the police unless someone is injured.”

Sitting back into my chair, I mull over what she has told me, and it seems to be lacking vital bits of information. I prod further, “Are you sure that is all you need to do? In the States it is a bit different based on where the accident takes place (private, or public property), and what the road conditions are (When it is raining or snowing, the police wont come unless there is an injury), and we have little insurance cards that we must carry with us as proof of insurance. You don’t have anything like that here?”

“Insurance is mandatory to be allowed the privilege of driving. You cannot get your car registered without insurance.”

“Okay, Hun, but for the sake of the conversation what if the other person does not have their car registered properly…”

Here she cuts in with the cutest little look, and says, “Oh no! You have to be registered to drive; it’s the law.”

“Yes, I understand that (I so badly wanted to add a ‘my child’ in here, but due to health reasons - mainly I want to maintain my health - don’t), but what if the other person does not follow the law, and drives with out being rego’d”

“That won’t happen.”

“What if it did?”

“Well then I’d call my insurance, and have them sort it out. Why do you want to know all of this, anyways?”

“Because, I am a foreigner, and I want to be aware of what to do when something happens.”

“Oh, well nothing will happen to you. You won’t have an accident or anything. Besides, I really am not sure what to tell you because I have never been in an auto accident, nor had to deal with anything like that.”

What the love of my life is telling me, here, is that she has no idea of what actually happens when you have an auto accident, and that she could not be bothered to tell me this from the get go. Instead of answers, I received dalliance.

How exciting for me, yes.

Stay tuned for Part II where I actually try to use the information I was given!